More Than I Bargained For


I have mixed feelings for one of my compulsory courses, Organizational Behavior.

The lecturer teaching this class for the latter half of the semester is quite the strict type.
He's someone who upholds his ethics so much, maybe even too much (though it could be one of his admirable traits). That being said, I believe that whenever he scolds us, there's always a new lesson coming out of it. Trust me on this, we need that kind of wake up call sometimes.

On the other side, I love it when I discover something on my own that is a hundred percent relatable to myself. Like tonight, I am learning about the tools of systems thinking.

These 2 paragraphs explaining Limits to Growth I found in Senge's The Fifth Discipline instantly grabbed my attention :

Typically, most people react to limits to growth situations by trying to
push hard: if you can't break your bad habit, become more diligent in
monitoring your own behavior; if your relationship is having problems,
spend more time together or work harder to make the relationship
work; if staff are unhappy, keep promoting junior staff to make them
happy; if the flow of new products is slowing down, start more new
product initiatives to offset the problems with the ones that are bogged
down; or advocate quality circle more strongly.

It's an understandable response. In the early stages when you can
see improvement, you want to do more of the same—after all, it's
working so well. When the rate of improvement slows down, you
want to compensate by striving even harder. Unfortunately, the
more vigorously you push the familiar levers, the more strongly the
balancing process resists, and the more futile your efforts become.
Sometimes, people just give up their original goal—lowering their goal
to stop criticizing others, or giving up on their relationship.

I'm not sure whether I truly am a hard worker, or just someone who tries too hard.
I admit to have this sort of defense mechanism in which I push myself so hard to meet someone's standard, or mine -when it's obvious that I can't (at least not at that point).
It's becoming a bad habit of mine, pointlessly trying and getting myself hurt in the process.

It seems like I just can not accept the idea that I, myself or my works are not good enough.

Learning for my test tomorrow has once again reminded me that sometimes, you just got to stop trying. It doesn't mean that you're giving up, it means you stop trying so hard at doing one pointless thing and start finding the alternative instead (Isn't that what Industrial Engineering is all about? Do things better?). Sometimes, even not doing anything could be your only way out from the tangled mess you are in.

We're all just parts of a complex, integrated system called life anyway.
Sometimes you have to follow the reinforcing loop life presents to you.
Some other, you have to trust the system's balancing loop and live your life by going with the flow.

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